Curiosity Annoyed the Robot
by Amberdiamondswords
Summary: Ratchet's interest peaks when he reads a variety of "robot secrets" in one of his magazines. Luckily, there just happens a certain green eyed robot nearby to test some of these secrets out on, and he isn't too thrilled about these experiments. Curiosity killed the cat, but it also annoys the robot.


**Weekly Oneshot #9: Curiosity Annoyed the Robot**

Ratchet entered the apartment with a handful of mail, fresh from the mailbox. He flipped through it, seeing mostly bills, ads, coupons, nothing really special. However, a new issue of the magazine "Space Digest" had came, so maybe today's mail wasn't totally boring.

The Lombax put the mail on the kitchen counter and walked over to the couch with his new magazine. He plopped down on the couch, noticing Clank sitting in a nearby chair, his little metal face buried in a book as usual. Sometimes Ratchet wished that Clank would do something else in his free time besides reading, the robot was close to reading everything that they owned, the dictionary might be next on the robot's list. Actually...the book that Clank had looked an awful like their dictionary. Was he actually reading the...?

"Uh, Clank? Are...are you reading the dictionary?"

"Yes, I am," was all the robot said in response.

"May I ask why?"

"There are over 1,025,109 words in the universe, and I want to know all of them at the fullest extent."

"You are such a nerd...and a weirdo," Ratchet replied, leaning back on the couch and opening his magazine. He flipped through it, reading about heartwarming and heroic stories, great vacationing planets, new ways to lose weight, ten things that a Fongoid won't tell you, he read about all sorts of stuff. However, when he got near the end, a heading on top of page eighty-seven caught his eye. In big, gray metallic words, said 'Robot Secrets: Possibly Discovered Secret About The Average Robot Revealed?' The Lombax, who was now intrigued read on, learning that recent studies about robot personalities and anatomy may have uncovered some secrets that not even the robots themselves would know about. Ratchet could feel his curiosity growing. He looked up from his magazine and up at Clank. "Hey, Clank. There's a page in this issue telling us about some robotic secrets or something like that."

"Hmph, we robots do not contain secrets. I can already tell that the entire concept of that article or whatever it is is completely illogical," the robot replied, not looking up from his dictionary.

"I dunno, pal, some of these sound pretty good. Let's see, what do we got here? Um...hey! The first one is about robots sneezing. 'It is possible for noseless robots to sneeze. If you scratch or irritate the area where the nose would be, it will trigger a sensor in the robot, and the resulting reaction will mimic that of a sneeze'..." Ratchet looked up from his magazine and at Clank, who just happened to be a robot who does not have a nose. The robot took a moment to realize that the Lombax was staring at him, and he didn't like the look that he was receiving. He knew what Ratchet wanted to do. So, Clank quickly jumped down from his chair and attempted to make a break for his bedroom so he could lock the door, but, unfortunately, the much faster Ratchet grabbed him. "Gotcha!"

Clank squirmed greatly as Ratchet pinned him down and tried to scratch where his nose would be. Unfortunately, the Lombax was much heavier than he could handle, so he was stuck. All he could do was yell as he moved his head around, trying to get Ratchet's finger off of his face. "Ratchet! Stop it! Get off of me!"

"Hold still, Clank! I'm just want to see if you really sneeze!" Ratchet said, grabbing the top of Clank's head, which kept him still. He proceeded to scratch the nose area, which made the robot become extremely irritated. But all he could so was squirm a little and wave his feet in frustration.

"That hypothesis the magazine writer proposed is preposterous! I am not going to sneeze if I do not have a-ACHOO!" Clank became startled as he was interrupted by a sneeze imitation. Though mucus didn't come out of him, some drops of oily spittle came out of his mouth, which Ratchet tried to avoid. The little robot shook his head, then collected himself again. "Hm...I guess that I can sneeze...I do not like it though."

"Whoa, that was cool!" Ratchet said excitedly. He picked up his magazine and looked for another interesting secret, his curiosity was officially peaked. "I wonder what else I can find out about robots?"

"Ratchet, will you please get off of me now?"

"No. Alright, let's see..." Ratchet read through the magazine, looking for another cool robot secret. After a few moments, he found one that he wanted to try out. "Hm, this one sounds like that it would be funny."

"I do not like the sound of that," Clank said. He was relieved as Ratchet got off of him and being freed from being pinned down. And he took the opportunity to attempt to run away again. But, once again, Ratchet's speed proved to be superior as he grabbed the robot. Then Clank gave a yelp of surprise as he was grabbed by the ankle and flipped upside down. He looked up at Ratchet, who was holding him away from his body. "Ratchet, put me down!"

"You want me to put you down? Alright, but on one condition," Ratchet said, his free hand on his waist.

"And that condition would be...?"

"All you have to do is hit me. It doesn't matter where, just hit me."

"Hit you? Very well."

Clank reached out his hand, attempting to hit Ratchet in the torso, but he couldn't. The Lombax was holding him an arm's length away from his body, so Clank's short arms could reach. So he looked up and saw the gloved hand grasping his ankle, maybe he could reach that. The little robot attempted to reach upward, arching his body so he could reach. However, Clank's solid cube body made it impossible for his back to make an arch, so he couldn't pull himself up so he could smack Ratchet's hand. The robot swatted at the hand grabbing him like a cat swatting at an unreachable piece of yarn. It was extraordinarily frustrating for him. And the fact that Ratchet was currently laughing at him wasn't helping his frustrated mood.

"Hey, the writer was right, this is entertaining!" Ratchet laughed, then he looked at the magazine. "'If a robot is under three feet tall and does not have an extendable torso, holding it upside down and an arms length away from your body will render it useless, as it cannot bend its body in order to free itself. Try asking the robot to hit you and prepared to be entertained'. Hm...let's see if this is entertaining too."

The Lombax amusingly poked Clank in the chest compartment several times, making the robot swing back and forth. Clank folded his arms and gave another angry look. This may have been fun for Ratchet, but it was definitely not fun for him. "Stop it!"

"Yeah, alright. Let's try another one!"

"No! I am tired of this, put me down and please just leave me alone!"

"...You know what? You're right. It was mean of me to pick on you. I'll put you down."

"Thank you."

Ratchet flipped Clank right side up and then placed him on the ground. The little robot brushed himself off, then went over to the chair and grabbed his dictionary. He was going to continue reading it in his bedroom so he could be in a more peaceful environment. And by peaceful environment, he meant an environment that didn't have a Lombax who was annoying him by testing out robot secrets or whatever they were called on him. So, as Clank placed his finger in the dictionary so he could save his place as he walked, Ratchet casually made his way to the kitchen area and stopped at the fridge. Then he snatched a Negotiator shaped magnet off of the fridge's magnetic surface, observing it for a quick moment. As Clank made his way towards the hallway, a small smile formed on the Lombax's face. Ratchet jumped forward, landing behind Clank, then placed the magnet on the robot's head. Clank, who had been extremely startled by the Lombax jumping at him, turned around and looked at his friend with mad eyes. What was he trying to do this time?

"What are you looking at me like that for?" Ratchet asked, trying to hide his smile.

"What did you do to me?" Clank asked, knowing well that the Lombax did something to him. He knew that look on his face, he was trying to hide a smile, and he was failing pretty badly at it. The little robot placed his hands on his waist as Ratchet shrugged.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't do anything to you! You're obviously becoming paranoid. Now go on walk to your bedroom so I don't get tempted to bother you more."

Clank gave his friend both a curious and mad look, wondering if he was up to anything at all. Deciding to shrug it off and agreeing with Ratchet that he might be becoming a bit paranoid, he turned around and started walking down the hallway. However, when he took his first step, he went majorly off course. For some reason, the little robot became extraordinarily dizzy, he could hardly see straight. Clank dropped his dictionary as he stumbled left and right, unable to go in a straight line like he wanted to. After stumbling around the place for several minutes, the robot's body decided that it had had enough, and he fell to the ground. But falling didn't stop the dizzy feeling. Clank thought that he was going to puke, and, due to recent memory, he did not want that to happen. The robot looked up at Ratchet, hoping that he would do something about his condition. The Lombax stared down at him, then bent over, removing something from the back of Clank's head. The robot recognized it as the Negotiator magnet that they kept on the fridge. Clank became angry, Ratchet was doing experiments on him again.

"Ratchet!"

"What? Okay, so I wanted to test out one more! I couldn't pass it up!" Ratchet picked up his magazine and read it. "'If a magnet is placed on the back of a robot's head, it will interfere with their sense of balance, making them experience a severe dizzy feeling.' That one sounded cool, so I wanted to do it."

"It was not cool! I nearly vomited! And you know how I feel about vomiting!" Clank yelled, pushing himself off the ground.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I did kinda go overboard with this one, I admit that." Ratchet glanced at the magazine again, remembering a certain secret that might help the robot. "But uh...are you willing to do one last one?"

"No!"

"No no no no no, you'll actually like this one."

"I highly doubt that," Clank said, crossing his arms.

"J-Just hear me out, alright?" Ratchet picked up the magazine and read the small section. "'When a child robot becomes impatient or agitated, it is believed that the presence of a small robot-like toy, such as a wind up toy, will distract and calm it. The toy is preferred to look like a likable animal.'"

"That one sounds like the most preposterous out of all the other ones. And I am not a child."

"Not a kid? You're fourteen! Granted, you are the most mature fourteen year old ever, but you still have the age of a kid. Looks, let's just try it out."

Ratchet walked over into the kitchen area and dug through several drawers, when he found nothing, he went through the cabinets. Clank shook his head as his friend looked all the around the apartment for something. He was really getting tired of all of this. He would run away and lock the door to the bedroom like in his original plan, but no doubt Ratchet would catch him again. The magazine that he was reading were completely ridiculous. He could only imagine all the other poor robots being annoyed and picked on by their friends or owners trying these ridiculous experiments on them. He was going to have to send an angry email to the writer of the "Robot Secrets" page, because he did not like it at all. Not only was Ratchet's curiosity about it tiring, but it was also very annoying.

"Why can he not just leave me alone instead of annoying me? Sometimes he can be quite the-"

"Found it!" Ratchet yelled as he came out of the bedroom. There was something tiny in his hands, but Clank couldn't see it. But the robot did hear the sound of winding as Ratchet started fiddling with the object in his gloved hands. "Alright, pal. Let's see if this calms ya down."

"Ratchet, honestly. Just please stop all of this and let me read in-"

Ratchet got down on his knees as he finished winding the something up, then he placed it on the floor. The whirring of a wind up item was heard, which made Clank look confused. The Lombax put something on the floor and removed his hands to reveal a tiny wind up turtle, which started walking slowly away from him. They had gotten this toy from Qwark after winning a shooting target contest (Ratchet and Clank got a toy turtle for getting first and Qwark got a new ship for placing second). It had been lying in the closet ever since they got it, and now Ratchet finally had a use for it.

The tiny turtle walked across the floor, making its little whir sounds as it strolled. Clank folded his arms as he looked up at Ratchet. The Lombax returned the stern look that the robot was giving him.

"What?"

"May I leave now?"

"Aw come on, look at it! It's a cute little turtle!"

"It is a simple wind up toy that is made out of plastic, there is nothing charming about it," Clank replied, looking down at the wind up toy. "Honestly, what is the point of it? It is very fragile, it looks completely unrealistic, a-and...it uh...i-it moves slowly...like a real turtle...and uh-um...e-entertaining...hehehehehe!"

Clank got on his knees and looked extremely amused as he watched the wind up turtle walk. He kept giggling every few moments, and when he did, he sounded like a little kid. He couldn't really explain it. There was something about the turtle that attracted him to it, making it so that he couldn't keep his bright green eyes off of it. Ratchet had to hold all of his laughter back so it wouldn't take Clank out of this trance. It was amazing, it was almost like the turtle was hypnotizing the robot, making him giggle in amusement like he was a little kid. So that was another secret proven. Child robots will become a lot more calm when they see a little toy. Ratchet had to remember this one for sure.

After a few moments, the wind up turtle stopped in its tracks, making a confused and sad look form on Clank's face. Ratchet gave a small laugh as he scooped up the tiny toy and looked at his friend. "Not a child, huh?"

Clank gave him a small confused look, but then his eyes went wide. The robot shook his head, and then gave Ratchet a mad look, "Th-That did not prove anything! My systems must be tired, putting me in a hypnotic like state."

"Uh-huh, sure."

"A-Anyway, may I go now?"

"Yeah yeah, you're free to go. Go on and read up on all 1,000,000 words or so. There are hardly any good one of these robot secret anyway."

"Gladly," Clank said, picking up his dictionary. Ratchet watched as his friend walked down the hallway (stopping to look over his shoulder a few times to make sure that the Lombax wasn't sneaking up on him) and enter the bedroom. After a few moments, Ratchet decided to settle down and read the rest of his magazine, but he was interrupted by Clank coming out of the bedroom and marching up to him. The Lombax looked both amused and confused as the robot removed the toy turtle from his hand. "I am taking this."

When Clank returned to the bedroom, the sound of several amused giggles was heard, as well as the sound of a wind up toy walking. Ratchet shook his head in amusement and he went over to the kitchen counter, where his magazine laid open. He knew that once he was done reading it, Clank would make him throw it, or at least the robot secrets page, away. And Ratchet wanted to show his friend respect, especially after everything that he had just done. So, the Lombax grabbed the page and ripped it right out of the magazine, then he folded it up. After that, he placed it on top of the refrigerator, where Clank would never find it. He wanted to respect his buddy, and was going to do that by having Clank believe that the page had been thrown away. These secrets were just too good to get rid of and Ratchet's curiosity was too great. Sure, it wasn't fair to Clank, but not all of the secrets would annoy him. The robot would most likely actually enjoy some of them. He enjoyed the wind up toy secret, that Ratchet knew for sure.

Ratchet smiled as his ears picked up the sound of the turtle toy being wound up and released, a fit of giggles from Clank emerged shortly after, "Hehehehehe!"

* * *

 **Man, I'm starting to run out of ideas for Weekly Oneshots. But don't worry, I'll manage.**

 **In case you didn't know, today marks the day of Ratchet and Clank's anniversary! Thirteen years ago, the first Ratchet and Clank game was released, and opened a gateway for the greatest duo, and not to mention friendship, ever. And look at the two now, thirteen years later, getting a PS4 game and a movie. (Sniff) So proud.**

 **Also, sorry for no Follow the Universe chapter this week. Some unexpected occurrences happened on Monday and I couldn't get it up. But there's plenty of From Dreams to Nightmares updates coming, so y'all can look forward those.**

 **Make sure to leave a review while picking up your complimentary toaster!**

 **This is Amberdiamondswords, Lordess of Diamond Swordness, pledger to Tobuscus, signing off!**


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